What Not to Say to a Brand New Mom

"It's Just a Phase" and Other Favorite Sayings

Written by: Janel Duffy
Posted: November 09, 2020
I had dinner and a glass of wine with a mama friend and we lamented over the phrases people say to us as mothers that drive us nuts. We agreed that the reason the sayings annoy us so much is because most often, they’re told to us by people who are not currently living through the newborn/baby/toddler stage of life. Typically the “sage advice” is from our own mothers, older friends, or a random onlooker-- such as a well meaning person in the grocery store. Frequently, they respond to something we didn’t ask them about in the first place. 
Here are a few of our “favorite phrases”:

“It’s just a phase"
 A response perfect when lamenting about a change, such as a decline in naps or a new early morning wake-up time.

“Sleep when you can”
 A nice reminder from someone who has forgotten how hard it can be to prioritize sleep while trying to maintain the life of a newborn as well as feed yourself and have clean underwear.

“They’re only little for so long” 
A phrase bound to snap you out of complaining about a tough moment in child rearing.

“Enjoy every moment” 
One saying that will definitely help you love pumping for your screaming baby at 2am.

“Have you tried _______ for  ________?”
Insert literally any obvious solution for any current struggle that you may or may not have asked for advice about.

I get that the people say these things with love, and aren't trying to be condescending or dismissive. But I think most of them have forgotten what it’s like to be IN IT. Sometimes the best response to what’s going on is something that just validates how hard, beautiful, confusing, and amazing motherhood can be.

One thing you can say to a new mom is: "How can I support you?" or "Yeah this part is hard, but you're doing it"
And a great thing to say to an expectant mom is: "Have you made your registry for postpartum support at BeHerVillage.com?"


BeHerVillage is helping parents like you get the funds they need for the support they deserve! Are you having a baby and are looking for support? Create a registry for support today and get gifted funds directly into your bank account to pay for your support team. You deserve this.

Are you a birthworker who supports new moms? Use BeHerVillage to help your clients pay for your support. Create your free profile here and you can be the best baby shower gift a mom will ever get!
Category: Fourth Trimester , Gift Givers
Tags: baby sleep , real talk , seasons of life , postpartum , new mom questions , postpartum support , self compassion , mom friends , first time mom , support system , new mom advice , in-laws , new mom , postpartum etiquette , empowering mothers , motherhood , Janel's favorite things

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