I had dinner and a glass of wine with a mama friend and we lamented over the phrases people say to us as mothers that drive us nuts.
We agreed that the reason the sayings annoy us so much is because most often, they’re told to us by people who are not currently living through the newborn/baby/toddler stage of life. Typically the “sage advice” is from our own mothers, older friends, or a random onlooker-- such as a well meaning person in the grocery store. Frequently, they respond to something we didn’t ask them about in the first place.
Here are a few of our “favorite phrases”:
“It’s just a phase"
A response perfect when lamenting about a change, such as a decline in naps or a new early morning wake-up time.
“Sleep when you can”
A nice reminder from someone who has forgotten how hard it can be to prioritize sleep while trying to maintain the life of a newborn as well as feed yourself and have clean underwear.
“They’re only little for so long”
A phrase bound to snap you out of complaining about a tough moment in child rearing.
“Enjoy every moment”
One saying that will definitely help you love pumping for your screaming baby at 2am.
“Have you tried _______ for ________?”
Insert literally any obvious solution for any current struggle that you may or may not have asked for advice about.
I get that the people say these things with love, and aren't trying to be condescending or dismissive.
But I think most of them have forgotten what it’s like to be IN IT. Sometimes the best response to what’s going on is something that just validates how hard, beautiful, confusing, and amazing motherhood can be.
One thing you can say to a new mom is: "How can I support you?" or "Yeah this part is hard, but you're doing it"
And a great thing to say to an expectant mom is: "Have you made your registry for postpartum support at BeHerVillage.com?"
Get the support you deserve
Be Her Village helps parents like you fund the support they deserve. Having a baby and looking for support? Create a registry for support and receive gifted funds directly to pay for your support team.
Are you a birthworker? Use Be Her Village so clients can pay for your support. Create your free profile and become the best baby shower gift a parent will ever get.