When I was getting ready to give birth to my first baby, I did so much research and assumed I had covered all of my bases and that we would be set from the time she arrived until she was 18 months old. Especially in the eating department, I had the high-chair I researched, the silicone cups and plates, the non-toxic utensils- and - even though I already owned a high-powered blender- I registered for, and was gifted, a baby-food maker. In my last weeks of pregnancy, I set up my kitchen, feeling grateful for the generosity of my family and friends.
What I failed to consider, though, was how I was going to feed my baby immediately after she arrived.
I was determined to breastfeed, and I was naively under the assumption that as long as you wanted to breastfeed, you just could. Like, the baby would latch no problem, the milk would come in no problem, and I'd just be a walking source of sustenance for my baby. It became obvious pretty quickly after my daughter was born that neither of us knew what we were doing. We were trying, hard. Every time she squeaked I put her onto my breast and tried to get her mouth perfectly aligned onto my nipple that was quickly deteriorating. I had no idea how much she was eating, but I knew she wasn't pooping as much as I was told she was supposed to be and neither of us were getting much sleep.
There was part of me that assumed that the difficulty I was experiencing was just part of breastfeeding, and the other part of me was embarrassed and reluctant to reach out for help.
In my early postpartum days, my doula was in pretty regular contact with me and she was probably the only person who knew how much I was struggling. She had seen how raw and "chewed up" my nipples were, and because we had formed a relationship over the course of my pregnancy, she had enough insight to know that I wasn't doing well, and in turn, neither was my baby. Gently, she urged me to call the lactation consultant she knew and trusted.
I remember going to the lactation consultant's website and looking at her prices for an initial visit and a follow up consult, and felt a slight panic
To have both, it would cost a little more than $400. It felt so expensive and we were definitely unprepared for a surprise expense like that. But I was determined to breastfeed and at that point I knew I needed help. I needed someone to sit with me, show me how to nurse my baby in my own home, show me how to use my breast pump, show me how to get a good latch, and most of all: someone to give me peace of mind that my baby was well fed.
I decided that paying for the breastfeeding support was far more important than the baby food maker, so I sold it back to get the money to pay for my lactation consultant
The baby food maker I had received from a very loving friend retailed for about $175. Thankfully, this gift was purchased with cash and she included the receipt in the card, and it was an easy exchange. I had extra cash in my pocket to give to my lactation consultant to help me feed my baby. And even though she was an unplanned expense after birth, she was worth every single penny. It wasn't long before latching and feeding problems subsided. My nipples began to heal. My baby and I found a rhythm. I was sure she was eating and I knew when she was full.
Selling back the babyfood maker prompted me to take a look at the rest of the baby stuff I had sitting around, and I questioned whether or not I actually needed any of it
I was generously showered by multiple groups of people throughout my pregnancy. I was pregnant with my parents' first grandchild, I was the first of my immediate friend group to have a baby, I worked with an older group of teachers who were excited to give me gifts. I had a baby shower with my out-of-state-family, I had a baby shower with my close friends in town, and I was given a surprise baby shower at work. I had more stuff than I knew what to do with. By the time my daughter was born I still had clothes in piles with tags on them, duplicates of items I accidentally put on two different registries; put to the side to be returned. After selling back that high-ticket item to pay for my lactation support, I started to look at what else I had that I could return. Heaps of clothes, the duplicates and the other things that I ended up just not liking that much were brought back to the stores, or shipped back for store credit. And while it wasn't as handy as cash, having store credit was helpful for when things popped up, and I needed a quick delivery of a baby item or something for myself.
I'm grateful for that baby food maker, because it allowed me to feed my baby when she needed it most, but I wish I would have known to ask for funds to just pay for my lactation consultant from the start.
To be fair, the BeHerVillage registry was not yet available when I had my daughter in 2019. But still, I wish I would have had a collection of funds set aside for the support I desperately needed after giving birth. The wonderful thing about the BeHerVillage registry is that you can register for any number of postpartum support services, like lactation consultants, (and your family and friends contribute to them, just like they would a stroller or baby swing) but if you need to change your mind about the services you need, the freedom is yours! If you register for a lactation consultant, but find nursing to be super smooth, you can use the funds to pay for a postpartum massage or groceries for the week. Funds from your family and friends go directly into your bank account so you always have flexibility based on what your needs are.
As I reflect on my own journey into motherhood, it's easy to see how the whirlwind of baby showers and excitement of preparing for a newborn can make an expectant mom overlook her own potential needs.
My hope, and the hope of all of the team at BeHerVillage, is that moms will consider planning for their own support as they head into postpartum. There is so much unknown when you become a new mom, but having caring and knowledgeable professionals by your side can make the experience feel less daunting.
BeHerVillage is helping parents like you get the funds they need for the support they deserve! Are you having a baby and are looking for support? Create a registry for support today and get gifted funds directly into your bank account to pay for your support team. You deserve this.
Are you a birthworker who supports new moms? Use BeHerVillage to help your clients pay for your support. Create your free profile here and you can be the best baby shower gift a mom will ever get!
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