By the time I got pregnant with my second baby, I’d been immersed in the world of BeHerVillage for a few years, plus I’d had my own experiences with my first born that solidified my belief that support was far more important than a bunch of baby stuff. While I was equally excited to be welcoming a second baby after 4 years, I was celebrating myself, my new baby and my growing family much differently than I did with my first.
Of course planning for any new baby is really personal based on each family’s needs, but here are the 10 ways I planned for my second baby differently than I did my first.
I evaluated my support system
By the time I was pregnant with my second baby, I was living in a new place surrounded by more family and friends than I was when I had my first baby. With my first, not only were the people far away from me, I also didn’t want to bother anybody to ask for any help with anything. After moving (and becoming much wiser) I knew that leaning on the people who cared about me was going to improve my postpartum experience. I took time to evaluate which friends and family members would be willing to help with certain things in late pregnancy and postpartum, such as childcare, meal prep, a listening ear, or a ride somewhere when I didn’t feel like driving anymore.
I looked at what items our baby actually needed and what we could fit in our small home
Our family lives in a small space with minimal furniture and practically zero extra room, so I knew that any baby items we would be bringing into the home needed to be well thought out. When I had my first baby, I lived in a different home with more space and for some reason thought that my baby needed a complete nursery and bedroom for herself. I ended up just using that room to fold laundry in. I knew going into my second pregnancy that having items like a changing table, a new dresser, a baby swing were non-essential items. Instead, we spent time and money on rearranging our space to make it more organized and functional with what we already had. We purged old clothes and toys to make space in existing furniture for the baby’s clothes and we only got the gear we absolutely needed for a newborn, and planned to get whatever other necessities as the time came.
I got second hand baby clothes and baby gear
Getting pre-loved baby gear and clothes has been a game-changer this time around. Not only do I worry less about baby’s clothes being ruined by a massive blow-out, I've saved time and money by not having to shop for things that my baby will grow out of after a couple wears. Friends were helpful and generous to give away baby items that they no longer needed for their kids who have grown. I got a car seat-stroller combination from a friend whose toddler transitioned into a bigger car seat. A friend gave us a changing table pad to top the small dresser gifted to us by another friend. There was no piece of baby equipment for my second baby that was brand new. And it was awesome.
More conversations with my partner about postpartum
When I had my first baby, I really had no idea what to expect when it came to my postpartum emotions, needs and desires. I planned my pregnancy, I planned my birth, and I planned a nursery, but I really didn’t plan for postpartum. With my second baby, my husband and I had lots of conversations about how emotional it can get, how I might need him in different ways than he’s used to, how we can support our four year old, and how he can support me in the moments where I’m not really sure I know what I need. We talked about his needs as a new dad, and we just had much more clear communication, which was beneficial for both of us by the time my daughter arrived.
Asking friends for planned postpartum help
Most friends knew I wasn’t planning a big baby shower and wasn’t looking for gifts for my baby, and instead, many of them asked how they could support me. With my first, I would have said something like “Oh no thanks, I’m okay” (even if I was very much NOT okay), as I was embarrassed to be needing help. With my second I got specific with my requests when they offered help:
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One friend came to my house the day I gave birth, got all of my laundry and returned it washed, dried and folded the next day
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Another brought enough dinners for my family for a week
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One friend came over and did major organizing
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My house was cleaned by a friend’s cleaning lady
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My toddler was taken out on a fun adventure day so I could get some much needed rest with my newborn
Mentally preparing for postpartum and managing a toddler
Obviously, I didn’t have to consider anything for a toddler when I had my first baby. But I really had no idea how difficult the postpartum period would be for me. It was really hard for me, as a fiercely independent person, to go from doing what I wanted when I wanted to doing everything for and because of this tiny reliant human. I couldn’t exercise the way I wanted, I couldn’t sleep the way I wanted, my body felt different, my relationships felt different… Getting ready for my second baby I had the previous knowledge that postpartum was a hard time, and just knowing that was helpful. I also had to mentally prepare for the unknown emotions my 4 year old could potentially experience after bringing a sibling into our little life together.
Considering the needs of my toddler during the early weeks postpartum
As much as it would have been nice to just say “Hey, toddler, just get used to this crying baby and your mom being busy with a baby all day”, it wasn’t like that. I knew that I had to prep my daughter based on her needs and curiosities for what birth was going to be like and what life might be like after having our baby. I knew that she was going to need 1:1 time with me. I knew she was going to need to maintain some of our routines, just the two of us– like our bedtime routine together. I included her in some of the planning for the baby, I planned exciting outings with her favorite babysitters, and I had a gift ready for my toddler “from the new baby” to give her after the baby’s arrival. I read some parenting books from authors I trusted and had conversations with parents who had kids in similar age gaps to help me understand the different kinds of emotions I’d likely be seeing with my toddler once the baby arrived.
Creating a birth plan
I planned for both of my births to be home births. However with my first, I didn’t really plan for anything other than giving birth at home in the blow up tub the midwives provided. For my second I had plans on how I wanted the room to look and feel and who I wanted at the birth. I spent much more time considering the days leading up to birth as well as the birth itself. I talked more 1:1 with my doula than I did the first time, I got my husband really involved in the birth plan, my midwives knew about my birth plan, and I felt much more prepared in the weeks and days leading up to birth. With my first I just had an idea of what birth was going to be like, and didn’t take time to consider what I actually wanted. Putting a birth plan in place helped my whole family (and me) get excited and prepared for the birth of my second baby.
Preparing food
One major regret I had immediately after I had my first baby was that I did not do any sort of meal planning or preparation before my baby arrived. I naively thought that once my baby was born I would just be able to easily meal prep like I did before my baby. However, I knew nothing about witching hour, I didn’t anticipate that I would have a hard time nursing, and I also didn’t consider how hard it would be to take a trip to the grocery store with a newborn. With my second baby we prepped freezer meals to take out as needed, we planned and shopped for meals that could be cooked and cleaned up with very few steps, and when my family visited in the early postpartum period, we asked that they either make or bring food for us to eat. I also remembered how hungry I was as a new breastfeeding mom and how hard it was to get a quick nutritious snack when I was nursing. We planned and prepped mini meals for me to have in the fridge to eat nourishing and filling food throughout the day.
Making a BeHerVillage baby registry
With my first baby, I could have really used a BeHerVillage registry to set up my postpartum support team… but, it didn’t exist. With my second baby it was a no-brainer to create a registry for support and self-care. I registered for pre/postnatal massages, funds for my midwives, funds for my lactation support, pelvic floor care, plus, I added some custom services like babysitting for my four year old.
Planning for a second baby has its own unique measures to consider, but many of the things I did for the second baby I wish I considered for my first.
Whenever anyone asks me about getting ready for their first baby, I always remind them to consider their support systems and modes of self-care for after the baby is born. Lots of folks spend time planning for the baby and the nursery, but not quite enough time planning for the adjustment that is parenting a newborn. Focusing less on material goods and instead focusing more on how a family hopes to feel in early postpartum is a great step in making the transition into parenthood a smooth one.
BeHerVillage is helping parents like you get the funds they need for the support they deserve! Are you having a baby and are looking for support? Create a registry for support today and get gifted funds directly into your bank account to pay for your support team. You deserve this.
Are you a birthworker who supports new moms? Use BeHerVillage to help your clients pay for your support. Create your free profile here and you can be the best baby shower gift a mom will ever get!
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