Moonful Mama Birth Story

First, this Post, as well as Blog, is dedicated to all the Mamas out there and for our babies both on Earth as well as in Heaven. Motherhood is beautifully chaotic, and I'm thankful for the Initiation. 

So here's my Birth Story of how I was blessed enough to bring my Son Earthside after 30+ hours of labor and a Surprise Belly Birth. 

I guess I should start with our Journey in preparation for becoming pregnant. After 2 years of marriage, Frankie and I decided that we would start trying at the end of the summer of 2017. In preparation for becoming pregnant, a few things shifted. I changed my diet (goodbye Vegetarianism and toxic/harmful household and personal care products (yes, this means even deodorant), hello prenatal vitamins and very specific meditations about connecting with the Soul of your future children (Sounds "woo woo" I know, but seriously check out the book Spirit Babies and then we'll talk),  I joined an incredible community through the Fertility Friday Community (Seriously, if you don't know what this is- visit FertilityFriday.Com and have your mind blown). I joined a 10-week group course in which I and a handful of other women were preparing to conceive or trying to conceive. I felt SO confident once we were ready to start trying to conceive as I learned all things about how our cycles as Women are literally like the 5th vital sign. I gained not only confidence but a true sense of body literacy that we never get in high school or even from our OB/GYN's. It was incredible. So much so, that when the time came I was able to tell that I conceived even before the first positive pregnancy test thanks to good ol' Basal Body Temperature rising and remaining high among other signs. Thankfully we were Blessed with becoming pregnant only after 2 short months of trying. There were so many signs that this little Soul had made himself known to us even before the positive pregnancy test, from rapid heart races to crazy heartburn to an incredible visit from dragonflies and butterflies the weekend we conceived. I took even the idea of pregnancy Very seriously, not just for the physical implications on my body, on my marriage, but spiritually. I see pregnancy and motherhood as such a Sacred act of service in this life, that I desired to be at such a place or "frequency" spiritually to ensure that it was a good "fit" so to speak if we were to become pregnant. Every decision and action leading up to our sweet baby's conception was very intentional. 

I surprised Frankie with an Epic pregnancy announcement of an onesie, personalized gifts, star wars theme song playing in the background with a positive pregnancy test. All because, this meant based on when my last period was (7/28/2017), our sweet child would be due May 4th, 2018 (May the 4th be with you!) We then surprised our parents on both of our Mother's Birthdays in August & September which was so special. 

I knew the type of Birth I desired as well as the type of prenatal and postpartum care. After much researching, reading birth stories, talking to many mamas, and meeting a few different providers I decided to go with having my birth at a local hospital under the care of a Midwife along with the support of a Doula. I choose to give birth at Huntington Hospital under the care of Huntington Midwifery and the support of Doula Kristina Boccio from WeBirthNY. The term "Midwife" comes from the term/meaning "With Woman." It's a different type of approach to birth versus an OB/GYN in regards to their training. Midwives approach birth as a natural phenomenon that has been occurring for thousands of years and truly sees that the less disturbed the birthing process is, the healthier and more pleasurable the outcome for both baby and Mama. Whereas the OB'GYN's I met were specialized in seeing birth more often than not as pathology, as something that needs to be managed from beginning to end. They are skilled surgeons too don't forget, and thank God for them as well! Midwives specialize in low-risk pregnancies and deliveries and their aim is to support Any Type of Birth (natural, med-free, epidural, induction, c-section), but they just cannot do the actual surgery should a C-Section be needed, but they would be in the Operating Room (OR) and be there every step of the way. I felt confident choosing such as incredible Birth Team from the first consult I had with them (which I did all pre-pregnancy) and felt comfortable being in a medical/hospital setting in case there were complications (so thankful I listened to my gut on this one!)

This trimester was definitely one of the most transformative and memorable ones. Though all of them were, this was one of the points in my pregnancy where major shifts happened in our lives. I had the typical first trimester symptoms of exhaustion, sour mouth, cramping, and nausea. Unfortunately, the nausea was so bad I had to be on sick leave from work due to the symptoms. I remember thinking, I love this baby, but I hate this pregnancy during this trimester and even feeling guilty for feeling this way. Many people don't know this, but we were actually hesitant to make a birth announcement in October of 2017 due to health complications with our sweet baby.

It all started with the 12 Week UltraScreen that was done. For those of you who don't know this is a standard test that is done at 12 weeks which checks for various genetic markers in your baby through an ultrasound and blood work. Frankie and I showed up to my routine midwife appointment wide-eyed and happy and thrilled to make our birth announcement that weekend to everyone until we got an abnormal ultrasound reading in which our baby had elevated fluid around his neck which could be an indication of a genetic disorder (varies from disorders that can be managed such as Down's Syndrome or other's that can lead to stillbirth or short life span) or an organ related issue such as a cardiac defect or disease (Most common). 

After this news, I collapsed in my midwife's arms and we were supported to meet with a genetic counselor that day to go over our options. This part sucked so much. Mostly because a genetic counselor's job is to focus on what can be done if something is truly wrong. So based on my age, family history, and the amount of fluid in the neck, there was a "70% chance the baby is totally fine, and there's a 30% chance there's either a genetic abnormality or organ related issue." I couldn't think of it any other way besides betting or playing the lotto, what would you think? Would you still think you'd win if you had a 70% chance? Would you let the fear of the 30% destroy you and guide your decision about the outcome of the pregnancy? So, in sitting with the genetic counselor, she of course focused on the 30%, what could be wrong, and our options for further testing and even termination. This sucked so much, it shattered my husband and me as we were facing possibly losing our baby. We opted for further bloodwork (MaterniT 21Plus was the test) and a repeat sonogram a few weeks later as well as a special sonogram of the baby's heart to rule out any cardiac defects. 

For about 2 weeks we did not have the results of the second blood test and we literally cried every day for 2 weeks. We made an altar for our sweet baby right in the center of our home, asked very close loved ones to pray, light candles, and truly learned what the words Faith, Trust, and Surrender meant. What a dark time that was for us, but how transformative. I fell in love with my husband more and more every day, and I learned how strong and how full of faith I really am. Faithful not even that things would work out the way I wanted which of course was a happy and healthy baby, but Faith that things would work out how they Should and how they are meant to, even if that means losing our sweet baby physically but also losing the idea that we expected of what he would be like. I researched and learned local resources for children with different cardiac issues (recommended specialists/surgeons) but also local resources with parents of children with Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13, etc… I remember also just learning to be grateful for the experience of being pregnant even up to this point and the transformation and positive changes it has brought to us. Well, a grateful heart is a magnet for Miracles and the struggle ends when gratitude begins. I finally learned the concept of  resting that God and his Angels have had the "night shift." Talk about learning how to Surrender. 

Then... we got the phone call, the test results came back that he was at low risk for a wide range of genetic disorders. I remember just falling on my knees and just thanking God and that I couldn't believe it. I swell up with tears typing this and get the same butterflies in my stomach when I remember how that moment felt. The moment of sweet relief. Even though we were not "in the clear" yet because there may be a cardiac or another organ-related issue that caused the fluid build-up, but those issues can be resolved often times after birth and managed depending on the organ or disease. 

We decided to do our birth announcement finally, on Halloween of 2017, and it was the proudest news I've ever shared in my life, even though so many people had No idea the energy behind our announcement picture and what went on that led up to it. 

+Second Trimester+ Weeks 14-26

This trimester was awesome, the nausea subsided, I got some energy back, and our repeat sonogram came back normal at around 16 weeks. We were also able to find out the gender of the baby a little early due to further genetic testing! We did a really fun gender reveal on Thanksgiving with loved ones and we found out our "little turkey" was indeed a little boy! We picked out nursery furniture this trimester and picked a Woodland Nursery theme. We also had our baby shower at the end of this trimester which was incredible! I remember doing yoga and meditating a lot this trimester and finding feathers, dragonflies, butterflies, repeating numbers on the clock, and rainbows all the time after. I felt so divinely supported carrying this Soul. Meditation was huge for me during this pregnancy. Someone once said, "Meditation is like holding a magnified mirror to your inside self and not picking at the blackheads." Meditation was the avenue that I connected with my little boy and got to know him and his soul.  Being pregnant during Christmas time and my Birthday in December was so special and felt as if the Soul of our little boy was celebrating with us. I got the best birthday gift too since we got his heart sonogram done right around my birthday and after a 2-hour sonogram, we learned that there were no detectable cardiac abnormalities or disease. I learned a new sense of trust not only in God, and my body but also in this baby and what we are doing to make it through this pregnancy together, Healthy. We ended 2017 with a grateful and transformed heart, mind, and spirit which was enlivened each time I would feel and see a kick or a hiccup in my belly. 

The last trimester was honestly the fastest but slowest one. The days were long, but the months were short. This trimester was all about making s p a c e. Not only physically, as my belly was getting bigger & my pelvis and ribs were expanding, but also emotionally and energetically. I remember saging/clearing the house energetically one day as I usually do and spending a lot of time in Paulie's room and cultivating such welcoming energy for him. The nursery was re-done, new window, new paint, new furniture, new art, new energy. All new. It was such a sacred practice and time for us, especially with spring creeping upon us. It was as if our little one was so in-sync with nature too, as his due date was tapping into the energy of the new season upon us. 

I also fell in love with my body during this trimester, even though most moments were uncomfortable with low back pain, heartburn, peeing every 30 minutes, breathlessness, and feet swelling. I loved my belly on my little body frame, and it was the most comfortable I've ever felt in my body. Leading up to Paulie's due date I had practice birthing waves that at times were even timeable! I also used this awesome at-home contraction monitor with Bloom Life which helped ease some anxiety. During this time it was also chaotic too as my dear husband had back surgery only weeks before my due date. I remember just learning to Trust that this baby knows when and how he wants to come to Earth Side, regardless of how the weaves of our lives were spinning. 

In the end, it was all about Trust & Patience. This was a sacred dance and practice for me daily. It was my first selfless act as a Mama. Knowing full well that there will be Many Many more. But for that time, my acceptance was needed of my child's unique journey into the world, I had to be willing to trust my baby, which in turn will set the tone for our relationship for time to come. My due date was a remarkable one and a day that just shows how beautifully chaotic pregnancy and life can truly be.  I spent my boy's due date, going to one of my closest friends' child's funeral, and comforting a sweet friend who lost her sweet baby boy. I remember so many emotions on that day. How powerful this bond of motherhood is, even when death is at the doorstep, and how no matter what the outcome is for our sweet little one, we'll be alright. How blessed I was to carry my son as long as I did. But how my heart ached for my sweet friend as she mourned the loss of her sweet boy. This was another transformative lesson in my pregnancy journey, and how my sweet friend shared her story thus far has been so empowering, which provided me strength not only at the end of my pregnancy but also in my son's birth and beyond. May I be even half as strong, graceful & resilient as a Mama? I will be forever thankful for her story, journey, and her voice. 

At about 39 Weeks I started a "natural induction" protocol with the guidance of my Midwife. I also listened to Hypnobabies "Baby Come Out" track which was incredibly powerful. Time ticked on and I was 40 weeks & 5 days and went in for a routine Midwife appointment, Non-Stress Test (NST), and Sonogram as they often do as protocol when you're "overdue". NST went great, the Midwife appointment went great ( I agreed to a gentle membrane sweep), but the Sono was not what we expected. The baby boy was head down, measuring great, but my amniotic fluid was Very low (cut off for induction is less than 5.0, and mine was 2.8). The midwife went over our options, risk, and encouraged us to come back that night to be induced as she suspected my placenta was starting to "expire". Yes, apparently, the placenta's have "expiration dates" too, and low fluid is quite common at the end of pregnancy due to this as this incredible organ cannot do its job as well (this was later confirmed when I got to examine my own placenta at home-more on that later!). 

I remember feeling SO excited, but so bummed and anxious too. I read a lot about inductions and how it does not honor the physiologic birth that I wanted and desired. I knew from the beginning that this was going to be an uphill battle so to speak, but I didn't realize how powerfully challenging this induction was going to be. We rushed home, packed our last minute things, showered, ate a quick dinner, and said see you soon to our sweet Goldendoodle Bailey (I LOST it, I was so emotional. I knew that my relationship with her would never be the same, it's like giving your hug to your first child when you are about to give birth to your second one. You literally feel the weight of how things were and how they will never be that way again).

We arrived at the hospital and I was able to get admitted by one of my Favorite Labor & Delivery nurses that I had met on the hospital tour months before. She was just the comedic relief I needed. She was spunky, and also realistic with us while we got all settled in. I put out my birth affirmation cards I made, my electric candles, tea lights, and got my playlist going while I nibbled on a banana and sunbutter at the beginning of the induction. They started with 3 doses of Cytotec (oral medication used to induce labor), one dose administered every 2 hours. I was hopeful as well as my midwives that this was the only medication I was going to need to get labor started and my body would carry me through naturally on its own since I was already dilating, effacing, and experiencing practice birthing waves for weeks.

After the second dose of Cytotec, I was starting to experience some birthing waves and wanted to start walking and moving around to help with the pressure. Thankfully the hospital and midwives encourage this and set up a wireless monitoring system on me to keep an eye on Paulie's heart rate. This is when the complications began. I made it 2 walks around the unit, when one of the nurses escorted me in a fast manner back to bed and a swarm of other staff came in to assess what was going on. She was speaking to me in a calm manner and gently put oxygen on my face, but her eyes had concern screaming out of them. His heart rate dropped very drastically. From 150 to 60. This kind of heart deceleration is a major concern, but unfortunately very common due to low fluid, the umbilical cord can often get compressed which impacts heart rate. This is where the challenges began to layer on top of one another. IV fluids got started on me shortly after due to declarations happening once again even with me laying in bed with oxygen on. The last dose of Cytotec was also delayed a few extra hours due to this. I also had to begin mourning the fact that I probably won't be able to have a "normal induction" either. 

This is where time kind of escaped me and I was certainly in "labor land." I rocked, moaned, hushed, sang, and swayed all through the night with my sweet Doula and husband doing hip squeezes on me for 11 hours. I remember my Doula guiding me through using my Hypnobabies Cue Words such as my Finger Drop technique, Peace Cue, and tapping my hands and shoulders to relax them. She was such a calm presence in this field of unknown. I remember going to the bathroom a lot too and losing my mucous plug which felt like such an accomplishment, that maybe I can do this naturally and how I wanted. We all worked as a team so well to help manage the pressure I felt, without any pain medications, and our sweet boy continued to have minor intermittent heart decelerations which led me to be bed bound at times (ugh this made managing the contractions/birthing waves so much harder). The movement was the only saving grace that got me through the intense sensations as well as using my Hypnobabies visualizations. 

After 11 hours, I was exhausted, to say the least, as well as my whole birth team who was in the room with me. I agreed to have an epidural, for rest more than anything and I wasn't dilating as quickly as I would have hoped so I knew I needed my energy to help with the labor process and also save my energy stores for the pushing stage when it came. The anesthesiologist came in and everyone had to leave the room except for 1 Labor & Delivery nurse who was allowed to stay. She held me so close at that moment as a tear rolled down my face. If I ever doubted my strength it was in this moment that I came face to face with this doubt. There was no way out of this but through. It was just the right amount of anesthesia, that I didn't feel pain but still felt the pressure. 

Shortly after the epidural, I remember being about to sleep for maybe 30-40 minutes when the nurses came swarming in again, gave me oxygen, and explained they were going to have to give me a shot of Ephedrine to help out Paulie since his heart rate dropped dangerously low again. They also had to give me another IV bag with sugar in it this time. The experience of having this shot was so uncomfortable and gave me the sensation of having severe tachycardia (racing heartbeats) to the point where it was difficult to breathe. I wish they warned me about this possible sensation, it was really hard to manage in the moment. However, this helped Paulie's heart rate stable effectively. He was stable for a few additional hours and since the ending of the Cytotec, I was, unfortunately, not having regular contractions or dilating much more.  I agreed to have IV Pitocin to help further the induction since his heart rate was better. The same thing happened again with the Pitocin. Every time they would try to titrate up as I would dilate and contract more efficiently, his heart rate dropped and they had to titrate down the dose again. Another 13 hours or so went by doing this dance and I finally dilated with a slight cervical lip which the midwife was able to move out of the way. I remember feeling nauseous at the end of this phase and doubting myself like crazy with tears in my eyes. I knew this was transition/transformation and this gave me hope that my son would soon be earthside. 

 

I started to experience lots of rectal pressure and verbalized this to the midwife. Once she saw I was fully dilated she encouraged me to start pushing if I had the desire to do so. This pushing phase was so long but so fast. It is said that women in labor leave their bodies, they travel to the stars to collect the souls of their babies and return to this world Together. It was honestly an out of this world experience and the hormonal feedback loop during this phase was certainly doing its job. My sister in love said that there were certain songs playing on my Spotify Playlist that made these moments so special and sacred even. One of the songs that stick out is "Stand by Me" by The Bootstraps. Throughout this phase, we had 2 OB/GYN's on call consult the midwives due to Paulie's heart rate dropping intermittently during the pushing phase and finding out that his positioning was slightly posterior/facing my belly button instead of my spine and his head was slightly tilted back. In between pushing, with the assistance of the L & D nurses and midwives, we tried different positions to help with rotation and further descent. Yes, with an epidural I was on my side, my belly, and even squatting it was awesome. I remember feeling So empowered here even with all the complications, pressure, and exhaustion. 

The final moments of this phase had Paulie almost crowning even and loved ones in the room even said they saw his head and attested to his full head of hair. But he was not coming out, and his heart rate kept dropping. One OB/GYN assessed me to see if maybe my pelvis was too small, but this was ruled out and not the case. The next shift, another OB/GYN came in and determined the position issue with Paulie and asked if he could attempt to manually rotate him into an ideal position. This meant that during the next contraction he had to manually push Paulie back up into my pelvis and attempt to rotate him by his head/shoulders into an ideal position (fully facing my spine and head/chin tucked down). This was probably one of the most traumatic moments in my life but also in this birthing journey. The pain was otherworldly and the screams that came out of me (so I was told) were also. I was struck with grief again at this moment. Grieving the desire and idea I had in my head of how this was going to go. Paulie and I worked almost 30 hours at this time together to bring him Earthside. After this attempted rotation and no further progress and on-going heart rate decelerations the OB/GYN and Midwives asked if we would "call it" and opt for a C-Section. I remember feeling such relief at this moment as I knew I was going to see my sweet boy soon, but also so sad too. 

Within 10 minutes I was in the OR with my dear husband by my head. I remember the suctioning, and the tugging, and just how heavy my eyes were. I remember hearing our sweet boy cry and feeling so relieved and my husband saying he's so cute Melissa, oh my gosh and he has so much hair. Paulie was placed on my chest and I was able to hold him, talk to him and get the skin to skin I wanted in the OR. It was quite remarkable. The midwife in the OR said that when they cut me open, Paulie had his eyes wide open looking up and out. He was SO ready to come Earthside and was SO alert even from birth (this is so true of Paulie if any of you know him). This is the face of a woman who has worked unimaginably hard for endless hours, day and night to birth her baby naturally. This is the face of a woman who realized it was no longer safe to continue as she had, and she has now given her body and her trust over to others who have promised to help her birth her baby safely. This is the face of a woman who is now holding her breath, waiting to hear her baby cry. This is the face of courage. This is cesarean Birth.

They delayed all exams, vaccines, everything until he latched, which is what I wanted. My husband said that before the surgery all the staff was reviewing my emergency C section birth plan along with my midwife. What a cool moment. True education and empowerment in such a hard situation. It's not about the actual birth plan, it's about becoming aware and informed about all the decisions you can make and all your options. Having natural and c section birth plans were such an eye-opener! My eyes were so heavy from the days of being awake and also the medication, that I needed staff to help me with the first latch. They met me with such grace and surrounded me not only with love but pillows and pillows to help with our first moment of nursing even though I could barely open my eyes. I remember thinking we did it, we finally made it. Symbolically, what valley labor was, but the actual birth. what a mountain and what a view.

Being a Mama that has never had surgery before, I didn't have much to compare it to. The first 24 hours after the surgery was kind of a blur, but once the medicine faded, got the dreaded catheter out (yes, this can be difficult as sometimes you cannot pee right after it's taken out and they have to re-catheterize you) and I was finally able to sleep a little and eat, I started to feel more like a human and back on Earth. Our breastfeeding relationship started great and strong with some latching issues that called for creative positioning due to a small upper lip tie in Paulie. He lost some weight in the beginning as most babies do and was also slightly jaundice. But he was stable by the time we left the hospital. I remember having difficulty laughing and coughing without squeezing a pillow and getting in and out of bed was such a challenge. 

Recovery from a belly birth is no joke or easy feat and dealing with severe edema/swelling from the 30 hours of IV Fluids given made walking super hard, but so necessary in my healing. I remember pushing myself so hard to walk to the bathroom or down the hall knowing that movement is what I need for healing (similar to how the movement was necessary for pain management in my early labor too). All of the L & D nurses as well as attending midwives and OB/GYN's visited us while we healed and explained how proud they were of us and said how cute Paulie was and how much hair he had! It was so sweet to be held during this time by the staff too. The staff was also so supportive as we clumsily navigated feedings, diaper changes, and taking care of my wounds. We were visited by loved ones in the hospital, and my sweet husband brought my meal prepped food to me every day from home. 

When we were finally cleared to go home, on Mother's Day (what an amazing gift!) we were greeted at home with surprise balloons which were so emotional and fun coming home to. The first days and weeks at home were a blur with lack of sleep, camping out in our Man Cave (only recliner couch in our house) since I could not sleep in a bed or our regular couch due to pain and little mobility due to the swelling. I always wanted to be honest with everyone, especially Mama’s about what the Fourth Trimester really looks like. It’s massive swelling from IV fluids (don’t worry my feet are back to normal now!), it’s lots of sleep-deprived days & nights, it’s learning how to eat with one hand while nursing on the other, it’s squishy bellies & meshes hospital-grade undies that are the best. It’s being held by loved ones to get through one day at a time. It’s honoring the healing, the closing of the womb & bones. It’s reveling in the fact that my body brought this Angel Earthside in the most sacred way and that Belly Birth is Birth. Motherhood you are chaotically beautiful and I’m grateful for the initiation. 

Not many Mama's can say they experienced a pain medication-free birth, an epidural birth, pushing phase, and C-Section all in one birthing journey! I also had an incredible postpartum visit from my Doula weeks later and she did such a healing ceremony called the closing of the bones which was both a meditative experience and a physically/energetically healing one. We had so much love and support when we came home from friends and family and such thoughtful gifts as well as we settled in at home with our sweet boy. 

Fast forward to one month since Paulie's Birth Day, we celebrated this in an honoring and sacred way. We saved my placenta for doing a burial ceremony with it. I was able to examine this incredible organ and did indeed see that it started to calcify (there were small pieces of calcium shards throughout it)! It was remarkable to see and feel. I was able to do placenta prints from Paulie's side of the Placenta which look like a tree (symbolically representing how the Placenta is the Tree of Life for our babies since it helps sustain them throughout, it the only organ we grow as an adult and then get rid of for this sole purpose, it's also called the babies "twin" since it matches the same exact DNA as the baby). It's quite a miracle we can even grow this organ. As means of honoring this, my husband and I took Paulie outside, wished him a happy 1 month birthday being on Earth, released his welcome Home balloon, and buried the placenta in our backyard under a butterfly bush by our pond. I wanted to honor the mothering energy that is mother Earth and gives this incredible organ back to the Earth, to honor my son's incredible journey to Earth. (If anyone ever wants to see the actual pictures and video of my placenta tour please message me and let me know, educate yourselves about this incredible organ, it's amazing). 

+Life as a Mama+

Everything has changed since becoming a Mama and yet I am more Me than I have ever been. I have learned that in mothering Paulie, I'm mothering parts of myself that need healing and support for growth. He is my mirror. Becoming a mother is like discovering the existence of a strange new room in the house where you already live. Motherhood exhausts me, overwhelms me, and breaks me. And then, it awakens me. There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. Acceptance & Trust was the energy that was found at the end of all of this. It was so perfect that it was as if the ending bent over and kissed the beginning of this pregnancy. Thank you my sweet boy for being my greatest teacher, my greatest yoga practice, and my healer.  You're my Son, My Sunshine, & you bring Light everywhere you go.

Podcasts- Fertility Friday, The Birth Hour, Birthful Podcast, Fear Free Childbirth, Indie Birth, Evidenced Based Birth. 

Childbirth Education- Indie Birth Community, Hypnobabies

Books- Nurturing your Babies Spirit, Mama Natural's Guide to Pregnancy, The Vaccine-Friendly Plan, The Happiest Baby on the Block 

Apps- Expectful, Sprout, The Wonder Weeks, Glow, What to Expect, BabyList, Baby Pics, Bloom Life, Nurture. 

Birth Team- Doula (WeBirthNY), Midwives (Huntington Midwifery) 

Birth Plan- Please message me and I will send you mine, be informed, be educated about your options Mama's!