I knew I was pregnant. I knew something was growing within my body. My body was slowly starting to change, I was hungry for everything and nothing at the same time, I was exhausted, my period was gone, I was emotional, and all the other things that come with being newly pregnant. I knew I was pregnant. But there was something magical that happened the first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat. I remember leaving work a little early to make it to my Midwives’ office, and all of my coworkers being excited for me. I was wearing purple leggings and a white sweater. I didn’t really look pregnant yet, just a bit squishier than I normally looked. My midwife put that gel right under my belly button and moved around her doppler tool, and I started hearing the whooshing sounds of the inside of my body until she came to one spot where the whooshing sound was quick and rhythmic.
It was my baby’s heartbeat. My baby was real to me in that moment, and it was the point where I went from an idea and fleeting thought about being pregnant to this deep knowing and connection that I was in fact, growing my baby-- this little life within my body.
It was the first time I was able to envision her outside of my body, it was the first time I could imagine holding her, or listening to her heart beating from her chest while laying next to her. Every time after that first time, it was still exciting and reassuring to hear that healthy heartbeat, and it’s a sound that even now over 18months after giving birth, I love to listen to.